eighteen.

so i would have to imagine, that it's something about me... do i have too high of expectations? or maybe i just get bored of people? am i that UNBARABLE to be around?... i don't know.

i have never had that "core" group of friends. you know, like those one or two people who have stuck by your side for a long time. whether it be from chilhood, middle school, the begining of high school, etc. i have just never had that. i keep in touch, a bit, with the people who have played large parts in my life, so that's good. but no one ever really stays close. sometimes, it's okay. most of the time, it's not.

anyway, i can't help but notice lately, that i am drifting away from a lot of people. in some situations, it's okay. they are the people who, i think, have been making things more difficult. like i have said before, i depend on people. sooo, even if i don't really feel like you're doing any good in my life, if you were to turn around and be like "well, i don't like you." it would upset me a bit.

i've just seen it a lot. i want to find the people who are going to stick by me and keep them there. there are truthfully about 6people, MAXIMUM, who i know that i can count on these days. this isn't even the list of people who i know will ALWAYS be there, i hope that they will, but that's not what i am talking about. that is the number of people who RIGHT NOW, i know will try to help me. who knows, that may even be over-doing it. it stinks. but it's happening and i can't change it. nah mean?

i'm just feeling real, mixed-up. i don't know what to do about things, all that much lately. it seems that as soon as i get to breathe again, there is something else just waiting to stress me out. ...i probably analyze far too much.

seriously, i'm just stupid. haha.
but, my life still rules.
despite all of this weenie stuff.

have a good one. ♥.