twenty-one.

i need to not be so selfish all the time. i find myself saying things, to the people i care about, that hurt them. it's always unintentional, but always for the sake of throwing a fit over something and making it out to be bigger than it is. afterwards, everytime, i feel horrible and i want to take it back. i just need to think things out more, before i follow through.

this christmas will be interesting. i'm trying to get everyone real nice presents, but unfortunately i am not working nearly as much as last year, so it's hard. not to mention, we [my family] are apparently having financial issues, which is nothing new. however, i thought that this year we were doing better. i was wrong. it's okay, i am not going to whine about how i am not going to get everything that i wanted because, well, i didn't want too much to begin with. and i know that my parents feel horrible about it. i don't understand why this happens. my parents do all that they can to allow us to live comfortably, and to give their kids and eachother what we/they want. it's unfair to see good people put into difficult situations. i mean, it's not horrible, we aren't out on the street and we aren't scraping dumpsters for food, nor are we even close to that situation. more so, everything is being cut down and i have to watch my mom try to keep her pride, while admitting that she can't do all of this alone and she needs her kids help. i hope, either way, it's a nice christmas.

i need to get my reccomendation letter written for UARTS, already. i think part of the reason i am holding back, aside from me not liking to call people, i am scared to have everything sent to UARTS and have them reject me. knowing that i get to go to that school, will enable me to see that all of our plans for next year are possible. UGH! i just want to see it all work out.

the best thing in my life, i love you.
have a nice day/night. ♥.