ah fuck it. i have been in such a good mood all night. for no reason at all. just happy and cheerful, it ruled. and then out of nowhere i just started thinking, and thinking, and then getting bummed out. i don't even know what i start thinking about half of the time, but whatever it is, i get sad. i hate not knowing things. even more so when i don't know whether i'd rather know all about it, or just stick with knowing only minimum details like i currently do. sometimes i think i'd rather everything just be out there, so that i could know and always know, and when i get uneasy i would know whether i'm being unreasonable or not. even though i'm sure i'd mostly just be unreasonable. i'm such a fucking retarded, swear to god. i suck.
my new job is starting to take it's toll on me. i am exhausted when i get home. i need to tell wendy that i'm not going to work past this tuesday at the gym.
nothing seems consistent anymore. everything's always really up or really down.
my thoughts are going a mile a minute. damnit.
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