sixty-eight.

"yellow hair, you are such a funny bear. slender fingers would hold me, slender limbs would hold me. and you could say my name like you knew my name. i could stay here, become someone different. i could stay here, become someone better."
i've been listening to cat power so much lately.

well, my car's done for. it will cost $1800 to fix it.. which is $600 more than what i bought it for. no thanks. so i'm buying a new one, probably this coming weekend. i drove by my car sitting at the shop yesterday and i got real sad. it looked so lonely. i liked that car for what it was. i'll miss it alot.

i feel like i've been stand-offish lately. i'm not sure how to explain it anymore than just that. i don't want to be so dependent, i sort of just want to be alone. but i can't allow myself to do that, because i know that if i isolate myself.. it just won't be a good idea. i never do good when i am alone, but i so easily begin to lean on people for support, and i don't like that. i don't like the idea that if people start to walk away i will fall. i want to know that i will be able to stand alone and have that be enough.. if it were to come to that. i don't want to be alone, but i want to know that i could be and i would still be okay. my stomach hurts, it's hurt all week. i've just felt so lousy.

i love the weather in the beginning of the fall. but my mind always gets so crazy and sad. i'm not sure why, but, it happens every year. maybe this year it won't be so bad.