everyday i drive to work. i drive home for my break. i drive back to work. i drive home again. everytime i drive either to or from work, i pass a farm and a pond. i see little baby geese and ducks, they're so cute. and i see baby sheep, they're so cute too. one is a cow-sheep, that's what i call it. it has cow markings, but it's a sheep. anyway, that's usually.. mostly.. the only good part of my day.
i hate that one day can be so good, and the next week feel so so bad. what's even bad about my life? i don't know, not much. but i'm so miserable. i don't know what to change, other than myself. i feel like i've tried to change myself so many times, and everytime i succeed i still manage to fail, in that i haven't changed into anything better.
somedays i want to leave. go somewhere new. leave everything behind. i couldn't ever do that. i'm too dependent. i think i'm actually finally losing that. i'm letting go of holding onto people, if that makes sense. i think i finally feel a little bit okay doing some things alone.
i can't even find words, half the time, to explain how i feel. i just know i don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life - lost.
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