eighty-two.

i've got plans for myself. as badly as i am needing to move out of my parents house and live on my own, i feel like i should experience some things first. i've never done much with my life, mostly i just cry and day dream, but i'd like to change that or at least add a few other things to the list of what it is that i do. first, i'll finish saving my money (probably use my tax return) and buy myself a car, again. then my plan starts. i'm going to leave for a month, two, maybe even three. this won't be for awhile, as i have to save enough money to be able to survive, but i can do it. i'm going to go places, i might know where i'm going before i go, i might not... but, i probably will. i know some people around the country, some of whom i know would let me stay with them. i think that while i'm saving money, i'm going to read books about the country, find some neat places to check out. at first my plan was to do this alone, to build up my character or something, now i'm thinking it might be nice to have a fellow needer-of-character-building to go with me. i haven't decided just yet. who knows.. in a week i might decide this is an awful idea, i hope not because this sounds so great to me right now. the best part is, i won't have any obligations, if i plan on going somewhere where i know people and can visit them, i'll call maybe a week, a few days ahead of time.. it might sound rude, but i wouldn't plan to stay with them, just visit.. but this way, if at some point i decide my experience is over and i am ready to come home, i won't feel as though i'm letting someone else down, by not visiting with them as i had promised months earlier.
i'm sure plenty of people do this sort of thing, and it doesn't sound as cool to anyone else as it does to me. but i'm not a cool person, i don't do neat things. i eat at the same places, i talk to the same people, i drive down the same roads, i sleep in the same beds, i see the same animals, the same skies, the same faces all of the time. and i love the places i eat, the people i talk to, the roads i drive down, the beds i sleep in, the animals, the skies, and the faces that i see.. but it would be okay to change those things for a little while. i don't do things alone, i am a baby and depend on everyone around me. i'm awful at reaching out and meeting new people on my own. i think that this would do so much for me, and i would really like to go through with it. i could take pictures, write everything down, and breathe. i wouldn't have a job to worry about. i wouldn't have anything going on, it would be an actual chance to take care of myself, and only myself. and really only keep in contact with the people that i wanted to, when i want to. i wish i still had a car, so i could do this as soon as i get tax money.