nine.

"and sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on. and your friends, they sing along, and they love you. but the lows are so extreme, that the good seems fucking cheap. and it teases you for weeks in its absence. but you'll fight and you'll make it through. you'll fake it if you have to. and you'll show up for work with a smile. and you'll be better. and you'll be smarter. and more grown up. and a better daughter or son. and a real good friend. and you'll be awake. you'll be alert. you'll be positive, though it hurts. and you'll laugh and embrace all your friends. and you'll be a real good listener. you'll be honest. you'll be brave. you'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful.. you'll be happy."
-rilo kiley.


somethings, are the best they have ever been. but the rest, is the worst. ...i want to be, where i'm going to be at a year from now. and i want that to be, exactly where i think it will be; in philly, with people that i WANT to be with. going to a school that i WANT to go to. and HAPPY. and not feeling crazy.
the fall always does this to me. i think too much. my mind goes to too many places. i over-analyze everything. seriously, nothing is safe. my mind will go off to everything that has ever happened in my life, and i will pick out the bad and the good. but the bad stays with me and the good goes away. this might not make sense... i dont care. i dont understand why it happens. it kills me. and i hate myself when i get like this.
im trying to be better. and nicer. and happier. and stonger. and more relaxed. but its so hard. its so hard to go from wanting to be something.. to actually being that something.
.....i'm the biggest crybaby in the world.

thankyou for sticking by me.