twelve.

i don't know what's gotten into me. i can't think straight. i feel abandoned. i feel like a terrible person. and i don't understand why. i just feel so out of my mind right now, and i cant make it go away. i'm going right back to where i was a year ago, and i want it to stop. i want everything to stop spining through my mind. and i just want everything to take a break for a minute so i can gather myself and feel half okay again. i was away from feeling like this for a year! why's it comming back now? i'm losing hope in so many things, i don't want to try to make things better anymore. nothing feels right. it's not fair for anybody, that i am feeling this way, it makes things so much harder. this isn't fair. i shouldn't feel this way. nobody should. no one should ever have to feel this unhappy/lost/no-good ever, in their whole lives.

i don't want to think anymore. i don't ever want to feel this way again. i want it to go away now, and never ever come back to me again. i sound like such a peice of shit. but i swear to god this is how i feel and i hate every second of it.

i love you. and i swear to god, we're going to get better. we're going to be better together, and i can't wait for the day where all of this goes away and we are finally happy again. and we can finally be okay and finally know that there is good. things are going to be alright. they are going to be better. i swear, they are.