thirteen.

i was out of school all week, for being sick. i went back today and well, i didn't really need to. basically, i didn't miss much all week, i was having hott flashes/throwing up this morning. i would have been okay if i stayed home. OH well, i was bored here anyway.

i think that i am starting to do this thing, where i have an annual "breakdown", if you will. so from now on, when it comes to be autumn, be prepared to see me be insane for a month or so.

it stinks really, i know that things are never as bad as i make them out to be. but somehow i manage to convince myself otherwise. it's real hard to explain. it's like i KNOW that there is good in my life, but i can't bring myself to see it. i just see the bad in EVERYTHING. and if there isn't bad, then i sort of make it up.

i was real bad this weekend. i think from now on i will, mostly, be feeling better. i made things worse for alot of people, and i hated it. i sat inside on sunday and laid around and cried all day. it sounds pathetic, but that's how crappy i felt for the way that i was acting. again, i think i made it into a bigger deal than it was. but i was being unfair, i just, i don't know.

i really hate being alone, sometimes... most of the time. it's nice to think once in awhile. but i literally can't do that alot, or else i go crazy. because again, i dwell on every negative and i can't stop.. who knows.

this post feels like it's going EVERYWHERE, with absolutely no direction, but im just sort of saying things as they come.

i'm losing my train of thought or whatever.
i'm a bit better than last time, that's all that matters.

iloveyou,thankyou.we'llbealright.