ten.

things will get better. they have to... we deserve happy. we are good people. we don't deserve whatever it is we have now. we deserve happy.

i look at people, older people, and i feel sorry for them. i see that throughout their lives they have ended up a mixture of sadness & fear. i'm not sure of what or why, but that's what i see when i look at some people. they just look uncomfortable.. i'm sure i look the same sometimes.
..i don't want to end up that way. i don't want to be a person that people can look at and know that it's exactly how they don't want to turn out. i want to see the good. i want to feel okay. i want to be nice and worryfree. i want to be comfortable. i don't want to feel anxious & nervous all the time, that is the worst. i don't want to ever feel jealous. i don't want to have bad thoughts, at least not as often as i do now.

my life isn't horrible. my mind is just a mess. and i hate myself when i feel this way. but there isn't much that i can do to control it. i try and i try, but it still gets the best of me.

thankyou for sticking by myside. we'll get through this... i swear we will. everything will be alright one day.. one day soon, i promise you.