thirty-seven.

i've moved on to a new kind of pain. it's not for me anymore, it's not self-pity, and it's not bitterness. it's the kind of pain you feel when you know that someone you care about is at one of their lowest points and isn't happy at all, losing hope. and you know that there isn't much you can do but stand by them, just like you have in the past.

this is one of the worst pains i've ever had. i can deal when i'm upset about my own problems. but i hate for anyone else to ever feel the way i have, or worse.

i can't stop crying right now. and i can't stop being so angry at any person who has ever hurt you. i just want you to be able to see what i see. because i don't see a monster, not at all.

i hate for anyone to hurt. i hate for strangers to feel sad. i hate to think about people i've never even met feeling a single bad feeling. i hate that there are people who exist who can't even realize the crap that they are putting someone through.

humans are the worst. i need to go to bed.