fifty-three.

"just tryin to get somewhere. just end up getting by."

i'm losing my mind right now.

fifty-two.

i've felt pretty okay the past couple days. i still want to get help, i think, 'cause it's not like this isn't a continuous pattern. but a lot has been sorted out, and as difficult as it seemed at first, it's okay. i'm okay. things are feeling better and not so hopeless. i like not feeling hopeless...

fifty-one.

i think about calling it quits every day of my life.

fifty.

i want to go away. i need life to stop for awhile.
a break from it, for things to get better.

forty-nine.

i'm scared that you were happier before me. and i'm scared that it's because of me and not just some coincidence. i feel so sick to my stomach. all i can think about is going to work tomorrow, and how i feel like i'm in no shape at all. i want to come see you right now. i just want to feel like this is what you want, again.

i'm tired of doing this. of feeling so down on myself. not believing that there's any good. why can't i just accept something for what it is, and leave it at that? why can't i just take it? i always have to fight things and think that they aren't what they seem. it's tearing my apart, i can't keep feeling this way.

i need to stop letting you down. i need to stop letting everyone down. i can't get anything right. why can't i just.. make everything better?

help.

forty-eight.

as upset as i get about things, the worst part is knowing that you're usually feeling the same way.


thanks for not giving up.