ninety-one.

I'm in a sticky place right now - it feels like I'm so close to finding my happiness and at the same time it feels so far away. I can't tell if it's just a place that's always going to feel an arm's length away or if the changes I've been making just aren't the right ones. My stomach is in knots right now and I'm feeling so low.
I finally started a new job about a month ago. The day I was officially hired I went out to my car and cried. I felt the huge weight, which has been getting heavier and heavier over the past 3 years, lift right off of my shoulders. It was the way I felt when I put my two weeks in, at the daycare, times a trillion. Now, the people I work with enjoy what they do, where they are, and who they're there with and that makes being there so easy. I'm out of my comfort zone and constantly learning new things every day and although I miss my babies and watching them grow and learn... I'm glad I'm there.
For the past few years I've been thinking about how great it would be to just pack up and leave for a little while - go somewhere where I'd be alone and have to find my own way. Change is a hard thing to do when everything around you stays the same and I feel like change is something that I could really use. But how do you go about just packing up and leaving? I haven't quite figured it out. I think I'm just trying to get to the point where I feel okay with myself - who I am, what I look like, the decisions I make, the way I feel... everything.

I hope I'm close.